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CONTENTS          
0 Home
1 Introduction
2 Sex Please
3 Rome Antics
4 Rome Spell Neat
5 Kin King Klan King
6 Romana Be Public
7 Patrician Attrition
8 Appalling Gaul
9 Roaming Italy
10 Satiric Pyrrhic
11 Rome In Poem
12 Gods Be Lazy
13 Conclusion

 


12 THE GODS MUST BE LAZY

Chapter 12 of The Bloody Funny History of Rome explains all about Roman gods, religion and worship, beginning with the Adopt-a-god policy which saw everybody else's gods now fighting on Rome's side. The poet Ovidís Metamorphoses is a hilarious Roman retelling of the very best Greek myths, followed by the manly hero Herc the jerk building a Roman temple with the entry sign: "No dogs or flies allowed." The Saturn alias describes Rome's annual Saturnalia festival where the upturned world of Saturn allows slaves to lord it over their masters. The poet Martial is so disgusted with the poor quality of his Saturnalia presents that he pens two entire books of gift ideas. The wine god Bacchus is Drunk and disorderly, the phallic god Proud Priapus is outstanding, and Awkward St Augustine complains about these outrageous lewd pagan practices, where even the Vestigial virgins aren't. The Sibyl quibble interprets gobble-de-Greek, oracular utterances, and Portentous prodigies. We even give you your very own genuine multipurpose Roman curse (just fill in the blanks).

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