|
Chapter 11 of The Bloody Funny History of Rome
tells
everything you ever wanted to know about Rome but were afraid to ask. Everyday living it up describes
Roman homes so luxurious that they kept one room
decorated as a 'pauper's hovel' just for something different. Combing
Rome covers mirrors, make-up, wigs, perfume, shaving and
plucking about. Prostitution, masturbation, and fornication leave the
Romans Sorely sexed and when Philaenis published her
illustrated Sex Manual, the monk Clement noted, "It's easier
to buy pictures of her labors, than those of Hercules'!" Wedded
bliss could occur by sleeping together for a year, according to
the Guidance counselor Plutarch, but drinking, poisoning
the kids, or copying the house keys were all grounds for Divorced
bliss. Childhood had a higher mortality rate than warfare, so only a
Child hood survived. Skooling comprised
learning pig-Latin via the Testamentum Porcelli (Piggy's
Testament), and using letters
for numbers so that a 10% tax would be X-rated. Rome ran on Slave
power and deaf slaves drew a higher price because they couldn't
eavesdrop, while the monster-market sold deformed slaves to seriously
weird Romans.
Doctored Rome included remedies such as inhaling burning dog dung
through a reed, as an early form of smoking. Our Toga Party
includes a complete illustrated guide teaching how to drape a stylish toga - I sheet thee knot!
|
