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CONTENTS          
0 Home
1 Introduction
2 Sex Please
3 Rome Antics
4 Rome Spell Neat
5 Kin King Klan King
6 Romana Be Public
7 Patrician Attrition
8 Appalling Gaul
9 Roaming Italy
10 Satiric Pyrrhic
11 Rome In Poem
12 Gods Be Lazy
13 Conclusion

 


10 SATIRIC PYRRHIC VICTORY


Chapter 10 of The Bloody Funny History of Rome sees the Tarentum tantrum of the drunken Greeks sink the Roman navy for a laugh. The outraged Roman ambassador demands that they sober up, and finds his toga used as an end-wipe. Rome declares war, so the Greeks hire Uncle Pyrrhus' rent-an-army with its Elegant elephants. The defeated Romans are in Dis dress until cranky old blind Appius Claudius decides that he won't accept bribes (or wear a dress), and Rome's Loose change invents their own money. "Another win like this and I'm lost," is the Pyrrhic valedictory. Malventum (Bad-wind) becomes Beneventum (Good-event) when burning hogs scare the elephants so Rome "wins when pigs fry!" Pyrrhus' defeat stuns the civilized Greek world: "Who the heck are these unknown barbarian upstart Romans?!" 

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