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CONTENTS          
0 Home
1 Introduction
2 Sex Please
3 Rome Antics
4 Rome Spell Neat
5 Kin King Klan King
6 Romana Be Public
7 Patrician Attrition
8 Appalling Gaul
9 Roaming Italy
10 Satiric Pyrrhic
11 Rome In Poem
12 Gods Be Lazy
13 Conclusion

 


8 APPALLING GAUL


Chapter 8 of The Bloody Funny History of Rome begins with The Gallic Italy tour of 390 BC when the Greek philosopher Aristotle mentioned Rome historically for the first time and wrote: "The barbarians sacked it!" The Gauls were fierce beer-drinking warriors who laughed at death (since they didn't get jokes) and got drunk to fight nude - a sight to terrify any enemy. Gone Gaul sees the barbarians head back home again, not because they're beaten, but because they heard that some other Gauls were sleeping with their wives while they were away at work. Rome's class war ends when they finally Consul the plebs and ban nexi (debt-slavery). The Gall of the Gauls sees them return for more loot. Most of them got a head at Rome, which they displayed in wooden trophy boxes to prove that they had killed an enemy warrior. Rome's empire wobbles when the Etruscan League strikes back.

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