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CONTENTS          
0 Home
1 Introduction
2 Sex Please
3 Rome Antics
4 Rome Spell Neat
5 Kin King Klan King
6 Romana Be Public
7 Patrician Attrition
8 Appalling Gaul
9 Roaming Italy
10 Satiric Pyrrhic
11 Rome In Poem
12 Gods Be Lazy
13 Conclusion

 


7 PATRICIAN ATTRITION


Chapter 7 of The Bloody Funny History of Rome begins with the Pleb's tribune elected to collect bribes and veto the senate's laws. The plebs' Peaceful campaign of military disobedience has Curly Cincinnatus elected dictator to clean up the mess, much to his annoyance, since he lost 15 days of farming. The 12 laws on tables bans the cursing of crops or singing of rude songs like the one below, and "when searching a house for stolen property you must be naked, so that you can't plant any evidence, but you may hold a dish before your face so that women won't recognize you." Pat the plebs resolves the bitter Roman class struggle when the poorest patricians marry the richest plebeians. War wares on as Cossus kills King Lars, and Camillus finally sacks Rome's old rival to declare Victory Veii

TODAY'S NEW CARTOON

New Page 1

TODAY'S NEW MUSING

Bloody Funny Daily Message

PLEBíS TRIBUNE


Hear the Tribune of the Plebs singing his famous PLEB'S TRIBUNE SONG (sung to the tune of Strawb's Part of the Union). The tribunes had the power to veto almost any opposition, except for fellow tribunes (which led to plenty of in-fighting) and dictators - who were sometimes elected simply to squash the tribunes. The dictator Sulla even removed their powers, but these were restored by Pompey the Great who then found them used against himself.

LYRICS

Now Iím a plebís tribune, empowered to impugn
I say what I think, that the senate stinks
because I am immune.
When we meet on the local hill, to secede from the senateís will
with a hell of a shout, itís ďOut, brothers, out!Ē
and the consuls both look ill.

Oh, you donít get me Iím a plebís tribune,
you donít get me Iím a plebís tribune,
you donít get me Iím a plebís tribune,
because I am immune, because I am immune.

When I spy poor plebeian sods, threatened by the lictorís rods
I set them free, and they canít touch me
Ďcos Iím sacrosanct like the gods.
And I always get my way, because I disobey
when they pass a law, on the senate floor, this is what I say:

Oh, you donít get me ďI veto!Ē
you donít get me ďI veto!Ē
you donít get me ďI veto!Ē
because Iím a plebís tribune, because Iím a plebís tribune.

Before the plebs elected me, I wasnít even free
but a debtor-slave, now the money Iíve saved
by accepting bribery.
And though a lowly working man, I can ruin the patriciansí plan
they blow their lid, when ďI forbid!Ē
like Iím the Roman superman.

Oh, you donít get me Iím a plebís tribune,
you donít get me Iím a plebís tribune,
you donít get me Iím a plebís tribune,
unless youíre a dictator, in that case, see you later!

 

 
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