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CONTENTS          
0 Home
1 Introduction
2 Sex Please
3 Rome Antics
4 Rome Spell Neat
5 Kin King Klan King
6 Romana Be Public
7 Patrician Attrition
8 Appalling Gaul
9 Roaming Italy
10 Satiric Pyrrhic
11 Rome In Poem
12 Gods Be Lazy
13 Conclusion

 


6 ROMANA BE PUBLIC

Chapter 6 of The Bloody Funny History of Rome begins with I've got a lovely bunch of co-consuls when Brutus (Stupid-head) becomes Rome's first consul. Ejecting Etruscans sees King Tarquin return with the giant army of Lars Porsena and threaten: "If I don't reign, it Pors!" Aristodemus the Effeminate interferes with the Rap of the Sabine men, and the battle of Lake Regillus leaves Flattened Latins. We improve Shakespeare's play when the all-conquering warrior Coriolanus shakes spear. Imitating the 300 Spartans, the 306 strong Fabulous family (Mr Bean) single-handedly thrash the embarrassed city of Veii. The Etruscans get That sinking feeling when the Greeks sink their warships, which gives Rome the chance to dunk them both.

TODAY'S NEW CARTOON

New Page 1

TODAY'S NEW MUSING

Bloody Funny Daily Message

IíVE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF CO-CONSULS


Hear the consul Pulvillus (Little-pillow) sing the famous "Consuls' Drinking Song" IíVE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF CO-CONSULS (To the tune of Iíve got a lovely bunch of coconuts) which boasts about the way the consuls could rewrite the fasti (consul list) to give themselves famous ancestors. Feel free to join in, especially if you have famous ancestors, or want some.

LYRICS
Down at the forum square
the fasti appear queer
when I hear a Roman
shouting of his grand forebear:

ďOh, Iíve got a lovely bunch of co-consuls
there they are all written in a row (Wife: unus, duo, tres!)
Collatinus, Poplicola, one called Stupid-head
an historical list, a flick of the wrist
will edit my name instead!

Oi, Iíve got a lovely bunch of co-consuls
adding my family name will make me rich (Wife: et me amor!)
and there stands me wife, I wrote her a new life, singing
roll a consul scroll add any which!
Roll a consul scroll add any which
roll a consul scroll add any which
roll a consul scroll
roll a consul scroll
rolling a consul scroll may add a glitch!

Oh, Iíve got a lovely bunch of co-consuls
wouldnít you like your name to make a switch? (Wife: et tu nomen?)
just pay me wife, and Iíll write you a new life, singing 
roll a consul scroll add any snitch!Ē

The  Roman Monarchy ended when the last king was kicked out. The Roman Republic was a new political system which saw two consuls elected each year, who spent most of their time bickering and accusing the other of wanting to be king. The dating system was changed so that events were recorded as "being in the year of the consulship of so and so." This meant that although the consul Barbatus (Bushy-beard) might have had a bad year because he lost a war, his name might still be well-remembered in later years when those drinking the best wine read the label: "Bottled in the consulship of Barbatus." The consuls were imbued with ďimperiumĒ giving them the power to inflict death on any foreigner, which was why Paul of Tarsus smugly announced, ďIím a Roman citizen!Ē He therefore got a proper Roman trial, and was beheaded instead of crucified.

 

 
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