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Chapter 5 of The Bloody Funny History of Rome
salutes the Seven Kings. Pompous Numa Pompilius found
some Vestal virgins to light Rome's fire, with the motto:
"Logs tossed, legs crossed." Hostile Tullus Hostilius quartered King Mettius Fufetius: "Met - Fufe - and
duet Tius!" Anchorite Ancus Marcius spent his time praying,
since he was stiff armed. Prissy Tarquinius Priscus was a
foreign king elected with the catchy campaign slogan: "Etruscan? Ye
trust can!" Servile Servius Tullius was the butt of slave jokes, and an early victim of road-rage run down by his daughter's
chariot. Superb Tarquinius Superbus also known as The Proud, The
Arrogant, or The Bossy, is finally driven out of Rome (actually he
arrives back from a war and they won't open the door) which ends the
Roman monarchy.
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